Jess and Dean are Dead
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Exactly what it looks like... Sequel to Trucks and Telephone Poles
1. Default Chapter

Notes: This is the sequel to _Trucks and Telephone Polls_... the whole point of TATP was to get to write this... which is gonna be a series. Snoogins.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for language and dead characters  
  
Spoilers: Uuuh... it's alternate universe... where... y'know... Jess and Dean died. So. Yeah. Some stuff is fair game.

Disclaimer: NOT MINE. yo.  
  
Summary: Jess and Dean died. Now what?  
  
**Jess and Dean are Dead**  
  
_Pt. 1  
_  
The woman behind the desk paid them no mind, only typed on her computer.  
  
Dean hunched forward, staring at her intently.  
  
Jess slumped back, looking around. He reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He pulled one out, and then realized that it was made of sugar. "Aw... jeez..."  
  
"No nicotine in heaven, Mr. Mariano," the woman informed him. "It's bad for your health."  
  
Jess rolled his eyes. "I'm already dead."  
  
"And whose fault is that?" Dean snapped, glaring back at him.  
  
"Yours," Jess growled. "If you hadn't been stumbling around piss-assed drunk in the middle of the street, I wouldn't have had to swerve and hit a frickin' pole!"  
  
"Mr. Forrester, Mr. Mariano, please compose yourselves," the woman ordered. "We don't have time for these paltry accusations. They hardly matter now."  
  
"What... accusations?" Dean asked, squinting.  
  
"Paltry," Jess snapped. "Get a dictionary."  
  
"Mr. Mariano!"  
  
He glowered off at nothing.  
  
"I am Valerie. Your... well... I suppose social worker would be the most accurate term."  
  
Dean blinked. "Social worker?"  
  
"Dictionary, and hearing aid," Jess muttered. "Better make a shopping list."  
  
Dean snarled. "Shut UP Jess!"  
  
Valerie rose to her feet, anger in her green eyes. "Enough!"  
  
Both boys fell silent.  
  
She sighed. "Thank you. Now... as you both know... you're dead."  
  
Both glared at her.  
  
"Yes, yes. Tragic; annoying; and very inconvenient for both of you," Valerie went on. She sauntered out from behind her desk and paced in front of them. "If you'd lived, Jess, you would have had a career as a writer... and you, Dean... well... not such a dazzling future actually... but still... both of you suffered an awful fate."  
  
"We know," they told her in unison.  
  
Valerie sighed. "However; there is a reason for your situations."  
  
"Okay," Dean said impatiently. "So... what is it?"  
  
"You've been made guardian angels," Valerie stated.  
  
Both stayed silent.  
  
Valerie blinked. "Well?"  
  
Jess got to his feet. "I'm leaving."  
  
"What?!" Valerie cried. "You can't leave! I'm not finished!"  
  
Jess shrugged, and headed for the door. He was blocked by an invisible force that sent him flying back into his seat.  
  
"You are to sit and listen until I am finished," Valerie ordered.  
  
Jess shifted in his seat.  
  
"You have been made guardian angels," Valerie repeated. "You must work together to keep one young woman on the right path."  
  
Dean sighed. "We have to?"  
  
Valerie nodded. "It is required of you."  
  
"For how long?" Jess asked.  
  
"It is an undetermined amount of time," Valerie told them.  
  
They stayed silent.  
  
"Who is she?" they asked in unison, and then glared at each other.  
  
Valerie picked up two manila folders from her desk and handed them out.  
  
Jess gave the inside of the folder and glance and then shut it. "You're kidding... Right?"  
  
Dean blinked up. "Rory?"  
  
"I decline," Jess said.

* * *

"This sucks."  
  
"Stop saying that," Dean snapped as they walked down the deserted streets of Stars Hollow. It was very late at night, and if Taylor had seen them, he would have been livid.  
  
But Taylor couldn't see them.  
  
No one could.  
  
They were dead.  
  
Jess pulled out his pack of cigarettes once more and placed one in his mouth, relieved that, even though he was a ghost on earth, his cigarettes were still made with nicotine instead of sugar. He lit it and took a drag.  
  
Dean wrinkled his nose. "You're gross."  
  
"You're stupid," Jess snapped. "We're even."  
  
"Why do you have to be such an asshole?!" Dean yelled, stopping in the middle of the street. "What's your problem?!"  
  
"You're my problem!" Jess growled. "This town is my problem. Being DEAD is my problem! RORY is my problem! And it sucks!"  
  
"STOP SAYING THAT!"  
  
"Oh, my god."  
  
They both looked up, and there she was.  
  
And there she wasn't.  
  
Rory started running.  
  
Jess rolled his eyes. "Not again. Rory!" He ran after her.  
  
She stopped when he caught up to her. "You're dead."  
  
Jess nodded. "Yeah, I am, how can you see me?"  
  
"We're her guardian angels, dumb-ass," Dean snapped, catching up. "Of course she can see us."  
  
Jess threw him a look. "I'm handling this, Bagboy."  
  
"Not well," Dean commented.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Rory stared at them and then promptly fainted. 


	2. pt 2

Disclaimer: Most are not mine... those that are mine... are mine...  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
**Jess and Dean are Dead**  
  
_pt 2_  
  
"Look what you did!"  
  
"Me?!" Jess snarled. "It's not my fault!"  
  
Rory, being completely passed out, had nothing to add to this argument.  
  
"Well...what now?" Dean asked.  
  
"We wait till she comes too."  
  
"Won't she just pass out again?" Dean asked.  
  
It was at this point that Jess began ignoring him.  
  
Dean rolled his eyes.  
  
"You guys make for some lousy angels."  
  
Jess looked around to see two women walking toward them. One was tall, with dark skin and curly, shoulder-length dark hair. The other was short and pale with long blond hair. They both wore jeans and t-shirts.  
  
"Who the hell are you?" Jess asked.  
  
"Val sent us," The blond told them in a thick British accent. "I'm Quinn."  
  
"Meeka," the other said with a nod.  
  
"I'm Dean... and that's Jess, but he responds to Jack-Ass, too."  
  
Jess glared. "Suck it, Forrester."  
  
Dean advanced on Jess, but Quinn held him back. "Let's not, shall we?" She looked down at Rory, who was still passed out. "Oh, bloody hell."  
  
Meeka smirked. "Looks like you boys did a number on her."  
  
"Jess's fault," Dean replied.  
  
"Was not!"  
  
"Calm down, Ladies," Meeka interrupted. "When she comes around, be gentle with her. Be calm."  
  
"I'll handle it," Dean nodded.  
  
"You both will," Quinn ordered.  
  
"He'll screw up!" Dean cried.  
  
The girls waited for Jess to retort, but he said nothing. He only walked off.  
  
Quinn watched him go. "Meeka, stay with the great bloody giant...I'll go after the other one."  
  
Meeka nodded and watched her go.

* * *

"Oi, Jack-Arse!"  
  
"It's Jess."  
  
Quinn smirked. "Right, then. Couldn't resist."  
  
He kept walking. "Did you want something?"  
  
"What's wrong with you, ay?" Quinn asked, catching up a little more. "You love this girl, don't you? You wanna help her, right?"  
  
Jess stopped and turned to her. "Dean's not wrong. I always screw up. Especially where Rory is concerned."  
  
"She needs you," Quinn pointed out.  
  
"Now that I'm dead," Jess replied. "I'm flattered, really. But you have the wrong guy." He began to walk again, but stopped suddenly.  
  
"What?" Quinn asked. She followed his gaze into the building they stood in front of. Inside, a man in plaid was cleaning up with looked to be a restaurant.  
  
Jess shook his head. "Nothing."  
  
"You know him?"  
  
"He's... he was my uncle."  
  
"Oh," Quinn nodded sadly. "I'm sorry."  
  
Jess shook his head again. "Whatever."  
  
"Jess?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"What if you had a bit of incentive?" Quinn asked.  
  
Jess squinted.  
  
"Well... if... if you could talk to him... that bloke," Quinn explained. "Would you agree to try and be one of Rory's guardians?"  
  
Jess stared in at Luke.

* * *

"Welcome back, Honey."  
  
Rory squinted up. "Who are you?"  
  
Meeka smirked. "Just a girl."  
  
"Hey, Rory."  
  
"Dean?"  
  
Dean smiled. "Yeah."  
  
She blinked. "You're dead."  
  
Dean nodded. "I know."  
  
"You're really, really dead," Rory went on. "It's been two weeks. Your funeral was two weeks ago."  
  
Dean nodded and frowned. "Yeah... yeah it was."  
  
"So... I'm dreaming?"  
  
"Not so much, Rory," Dean replied. "It's weird... it's really weird, but... you're kind of stuck with us."  
  
Rory blinked. "Us...?"  
  
"Hey, Rory."  
  
Rory's eyes widened. "Jess."  
  
He nodded, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.  
  
"What's going on?"  
  
Jess sighed. "We're... we're supposed to help you."  
  
"Help me?" Rory asked. "You're dead!" She got to her feet. "You're both dead!"  
  
"Rory, wait," Dean said. "Please, wait. We can explain."  
  
Jess gave a short glare to Dean. "Listen, Rory, it's weird, and stupid, but..." he sighed. "We're your guardian angels."  
  
Rory stared at him.  
  
And then she fainted again.  
  
Meeka rolled her eyes. "Take her on home boys."  
  
Quinn nodded. "We'll check up on you later."

* * *

They'd carried her home and Jess had climbed into her window. Dean passed Rory through and Jess put her into bed.  
  
When he was pulling the comforter over her, she awoke. "Jess?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
She began to cry.  
  
He left.

* * *

"Val!!"  
  
"No, Quinn. My answer is no."  
  
"He needs incentive!" Quinn argued, following Valerie around the office. "He can't just do this on nofing!"  
  
"Quinn, your accent is getting heavier as you get angrier."  
  
"Too right, I'm angry!" Quinn cried. "I've been in your service fer 'ow long?! Really bloody long! I've never asked you for anything! I'm asking you for one thing now!"  
  
Valerie turned around. "I cannot give him special privileges. What about his partner! If I give one privileges and not the other..."  
  
"It's the only way he agreed to do this!" Quinn fought. "I promised him!"  
  
"Well, you shouldn't make promises that you cannot keep!" Valerie cried.  
  
"Quinn's right," Meeka stepped in. "He ain't gonna do this without something to keep him going."  
  
"And what about the uncle?" Valerie asked. "Some people go mad when they see the deceased!"  
  
"And we're not worried about their charge?" Meeka asked. "Girl fainted twice!"  
  
"She will be fine," Valerie reassured them. "I've taken special care."  
  
"So take special care with the uncle," Meeka said. "Come on, what harm could it do?"  
  
Valerie glared.  
  
"I'll be y'best friend," Quinn promised with a smile.  
  
Valerie's glare grew harsher.

* * *

Luke sighed heavily as he put up the chairs for closing time the next night. He'd become a bit mechanical in his actions the past few weeks.  
  
In fact, his life had been mechanical.  
  
He sighed, thinking back to the funeral two weekends ago. It had been small. Very small. Too small. Not many people showed up. Lorelai, Rory, Liz and TJ, a couple of people from town. A couple of people from New York.  
  
Jimmy hadn't made it.  
  
Luke had almost hopped a plain to California for the soul purpose of beating him up, but then deemed it not worth the price of a round-trip ticket.  
  
He put up the last chair and glanced out the diner window.  
  
He squinted.  
  
"What in the hell...?" He slowly walked closer, squinting harder out into the summer night.  
  
He could have sworn he saw...  
  
"Jess?"  
  
But there was nothing.  
  
He sighed and took his baseball cap off, playing with it in his hands.  
  
He turned off the lights and bounded upstairs.  
  
Jess leaned on the window frame and watched him go. He looked down and then walked off into the night. 


	3. pt 3

Jess and Dean are Dead #3

The biggest problem with the afterlife, Jess realized, was that worldly possessions were left… well… in the world.

And so, he had no books.

None.

Nada.

And he was going crazy. Out of his mind!

He wanted Ernest.

He wanted Ginsburg.

He'd even sit through goddamned Ayn Rand if it meant he could get his hands on a book. Any book! Pat the Bunny would have sufficed. The Stinky Cheese Man? Even better!

A very large plus to being dead, he realized, was that, if he concentrated hard enough, he could walk through walls.

The diner door, actually. It wasn't that he didn't know how to open the door, it was that if he did, the residents of Stars Hollow would have seen it open and then close with no one there to perform these action.

Rory was the only one who could see him.

He walked into the crowded diner slowly, and looked around. Kirk was at his usual table, Taylor was arguing with Luke at the counter, and Rory and Lorelai were watching them.

Until Rory turned around. Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head when she spotted him, right behind Taylor. She almost said something, but closed her mouth when Jess put a finger up to his lips.

And then he did something that, if he were still alive, would have possibly gotten him thrown out of town.

Taylor jumped back. "MY WORD!"

Rory slammed her head down on the counter to keep from showing her laughter.

Luke raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with you?"

"Someone just… pulled up my pants!" Taylor cried.

Lorelai laughed out loud. "You got a ghost wedgie!"

Jess smirked, gave a shrug to Rory and made his way up to the apartment.

She almost got up to follow him, but then remembered she had no excuse to, since no one could see him.

Luke sighed, still giving Taylor an odd look. "I gotta go get a couple of things out of my desk. I'll be back." With that, he followed Jess up the stairs.

"What just happened?"

Rory smirked at Dean. "Jess gave Taylor a wedgie."

Dean sighed. "That jerk is gonna get us into so much trouble."

"Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud," Rory snickered. "It was funny."

"Babe… Who are you talking to?"

Rory blinked at Dean, who shook his head. "Uhm… no one. Why?"

Lorelai gave her an odd look. "You've been acting strange all morning. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," Rory replied. "I'm fine."

Lorelai nodded. "I know what happened has been really hard on you… if you need to talk or…"

"I'm good."

Luke rushed down into the diner. "Stop it."

Rory blinked as Jess followed him. "Will you just listen to me!"

"No," Luke replied. "I will not listen to you, you are DEAD!"

And the whole diner went silent.

"Nice, going, Luke."

Luke snarled, grabbed Jess by the shirt collar and dragged him back into the storeroom.

Dean looked on in shock. "Did you just see…?"

"Uh-huh," Rory replied.

Lorelai gave her an odd look again.

xxxxxxxx

"You're dead."

"Stop talking and listen!"

Luke shook his head. "No. Because you're dead! I picked out your coffin! I prepared all the food for your wake! Your books are still sitting up in my apartment!"

Jess sighed in relief.

"You're dead."

Jess nodded. "I know I'm dead! I'm… god, this is so lame! I'm a guardian angel."

Silence.

Luke burst into laughter.

Jess rolled his eyes.

Luke kept laughing. "You… you're… a…. a g…"

"Yes, okay!" Jess cried awkwardly. "I am. I'm a guardian angel. Get it out of your system."

Luke laughed a little more and then sighed.

"Done?"

Luke nodded.

"I made a deal with my…supervisors," Jess told him. "If I do this whole guardian angel thing, I get to have contact with one other person besides my charge in the living world."

"What, I'm not your charge?" Luke asked.

Jess shook his head. "Rory is."

Luke squinted. "Rory?"

Jess nodded.

Luke snorted, and looked as if he might start laughing again.

Jess groaned. "You said you were done!"

Luke laughed harder. "Lied!"

"God, I hate you!"

"You can't hate me too much," Luke commented. "You picked me as your contact."

Jess sighed heavily. "Yeah…"

"Why me?"

"Do you know of anyone else on the mortal coil that I can actually stand?" Jess snapped.

"Point taken," Luke replied. "Jeez…Jeez! I can't believe this is happening!"

"You can't believe it?" Jess muttered. "I'm the dead one."

"That's just it!" Luke cried. "You're dead!"

"Haven't we been over this?"

"I'm just having trouble wrapping my head around this."

"Big surprise."

"I'm stuck with you and you're gonna act like this?" Luke snapped.

"Excuse me if I don't exactly hold my circumstances in high favor!" Jess hissed. "You think death, you think eternal rest! Do you see me resting!"

"Okay, okay, calm down," Luke said. "How long does this Guardian Angel thing last anyways?"

Jess shrugged. "They didn't say…God, I'm stuck with you, Rory and Dean for an unknown amount of time. I am in hell."

"Dean?"

"He's Rory's other Guardian Angel," Jess explained.

"So, what, she's got you as the devil on one shoulder and Dean as they angel on the right?"

"I am not a devil!" Jess cried.

Luke laughed.

xxxxxxx

"We're aware that Luke is talking to himself in the storeroom, right?" Lorelai asked warily.

Rory nodded slowly, biting her lip. She looked down at her watch. "Hey, Mom? Shouldn't you get to the inn?"

Lorelai looked at her own watch and nodded. "Yeah. Keep an eye on Luke, okay?"

Rory nodded. "Will-do." She watched her mother go, and took a sip of coffee. "I'm going back there. You coming?"

Dean nodded. "I guess so, though neither of them can actually stand me."

"They're diner boys, they're picky," Rory replied. She got up and walked behind the counter to the storeroom. "Come on."

Dean followed her as she opened up the door.

There stood Jess, with his arms crossed, and a menacing glare on his face, while Luke was doubled over with laughter.

Rory blinked. "What…?"

"He thinks it's funny!" Jess yelled, obviously outraged. "The…guardian angel thing…the…It's not funny!"

Dean blinked. "I…have no idea what's going on."

"How is that different from any other time, Bagboy?" Jess snapped.

"Lay off, Jess," Dean warned.

"You don't get it!" he snarled. "I was just getting my life together! Things were actually going to be okay! And then…" He shook his head. "Forget it."

"How do you think I feel!" Dean cried. "I was married! Happily married! I had a job! Things were going great!"

Luke had stopped laughing, and Rory was staring at one boy, and then the other, until Jess stormed out. She sighed and rushed out after him.

Dean watched them with a shake of his head. "I'll…be around…or something." He walked out of the storeroom, leaving Luke to sit on a box, and stare blankly, still wondering how in hell things were the way they were.

xxxxxxx

"Jess…?"

He didn't reply. He watched his feet dangle off of the bridge, but where he once had a reflection in the water, there now was none.

Rory sat next to him slowly. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he muttered. "I…we…Dean and I…we both got screwed over."

She nodded, and reached out to hold his hand, but failed. Her hand went right through his. Her face fell.

He sighed. "Perfect…"


End file.
